Oh I want to take you home. I want to give you children.

First attempt: Timed intercourse (So romantic!)

Once we had the plan from Dr. Baker things moved pretty swiftly. I took a pregnancy test before beginning. I guess it’s a precaution before taking these drugs to make sure I’m not already preggers. It was negative and I started the Provera. My cycle began 10-13-2016. The ultrasound was good. They look for ovarian cysts with the baseline ultrasound and luckily I had none. I took Clomid for 11 days to stimulate ovulation. I came back in for my next ultrasound and it was working. My follicles responded well and we waited another day for them to grow more. On 10/25 I gave myself my first injection of Ovidrel. Ovidrel is a “trigger shot” that stimulates the release of an egg. It is Human chorionic gonadotropin (Hcg) although it does not come from humans, and it is not synthetic– it comes from genetically modified Chinese Hamster Ovary cells. So Not Vegan. I am sad to say I didn’t look up any of the drugs I took in this process to see what was vegan and what wasn’t. There is a long list of mixed emotions I have about this whole thing… but my desire to make a little jerk “mini me” and “mini Nick” beat all the other things. Later I’ll explain how I plan on trying to redeem myself.

The trigger shot is a crazy thing. Once administered we have 24-36 hours until ovulation occurs or when the insemination should occur. So we had sex right before the trigger shot, then again the next morning, then again later that night, then we were supposed to again the following morning but things didn’t work out. This gives new meaning to the term “spray and pray”. As exciting and fun as it sounds it’s a lot of work. There is an element of pressure that isn’t normally present. There is also the side effect of decreased cervical mucus from the Clomid, which makes things more difficult. I found that PreSeed, a popular lube for when you want to keep sperm ALIVE, is kinda gross. It’s VERY goopy and not slippery and fun. Also you use an applicator similar to the ones for Monistat and it deposits a blob of cold goo inside you, so I had to warn Nick to wait a minute or he’d get a “cold surprise!”. Laughing helps.

I couldn’t help but be upset with myself for getting sore, and with Nick for nothing really, but I was upset still. I can see how these treatments and this whole process can mess up marriages. This was just the beginning, we had to keep it together. We talked things out as always and Nick gave me a bunch or leeway for being jacked up on hormones… even though I felt mostly “normal” and not like I was all jacked up on homrones.

We waited for 2 weeks to find out if it worked. It’s hard to stay distracted during this time and not obsess about everything. Obviously drinking isn’t an option, so I worked and we went to a fun wedding for Nick’s friends, Ray and Tori. I got a supercute haircut from Lauren at Stag Hair Parlor (holla!!). On the morning of November 9th I woke up early to go take my blood test at Kaiser in Pasadena. I listened to Hillary Clinton’s concession speech on the way over and ugly cried in the parking lot before I could go in. I was not feeling super optimistic. Later that afternoon I got the test results and the message from the nurse saying that I was not pregnant and to call the office on the first day of my next cycle to come in for a baseline ultrasound.

Going back now and looking at my notes about everything, I was like John Snow…. I knew nothing. 😉 I mean, I knew a little, but I feel like it was child’s play.  I didn’t keep good records of dosages and times and explanations of what we were doing. Just the gist of things, enough to follow the Dr.’ s orders. Anyway it could have worked so it was worth a shot. This first attempt “fixed” all the real problems as to why we weren’t conceiving: it made my follicles grow and it made me ovulate. Each time we try it gets a little more complex and a little more invasive but we keep moving forward and we are learning more everyday.

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